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Social Civility in A.G. Gardiner’s "On Saying Please"

 

Introduction

In his insightful essay "On Saying Please," A.G. Gardiner explores the nuances of human conduct and the essential role of "minor" civilities in the functioning of a healthy society. Using the incident of a liftman who threw a passenger out of his lift for refusing to say "please," Gardiner distinguishes between legal offenses and social ones. He argues that while the law cannot—and should not—enforce politeness, the "small change" of daily civility is what keeps the machinery of life running sweetly. This essay examines Gardiner’s views on the social contract, the psychological "chain reaction" of behavior, and the moral superiority of self-restraint over physical retaliation.

1. The Legal vs. The Moral: The Limits of Legislation

Gardiner’s primary argument rests on the distinction between statutory law and the unwritten social code. He acknowledges that "bad manners" is not a legal crime. If a person is physically attacked, the law provides redress; however, if a person is merely "haughty" or "rude," the law cannot intervene.

  • Analysis: Gardiner points out that a law enforcing politeness would be impossible to administer. Our "eyes would never be dry," and the "intellectual and spiritual" damage of such a law would far outweigh any benefit. He suggests that the law is a blunt instrument designed to protect our bodies and property, but it is powerless to protect our feelings or our "private kingdom" of temperament.

  • The "Liftman" Case: While Gardiner sympathizes with the liftman's wounded feelings, he concludes that the liftman's physical reaction was a legal wrong. By resorting to violence, the liftman "cancelled" the original social offense and made himself the criminal.

2. The Psychology of Civility: The Social Chain Reaction

Gardiner presents the fascinating idea that manners are contagious. He suggests that our moods and behaviors create a ripple effect that extends far beyond a single interaction.

  • The Cycle of Rudeness: Gardiner traces the liftman's passenger’s rudeness back to his employer, who might have been rude to him, who in turn might have been henpecked by his wife. Rudeness, Gardiner argues, is a "social poison" that infects the day.

  • The "Polite Conductor": To contrast the liftman, Gardiner introduces the character of the bus conductor. This man treats his passengers with such uniform kindness and "radiant good feeling" that he lightens the journey for everyone.

  • Analysis: This character serves as a "social lubricant." By being "please"-oriented and helpful, he doesn't just make individuals happy; he creates a more bearable society. Gardiner argues that "good manners" are the "oil" that prevents friction in the crowded living conditions of a modern city.

3. The Moral Victory: Self-Restraint and "The Sweetening of Life"

The essay concludes with the idea that the "polite man" always holds the moral high ground. While the "rude man" may seem to "win" an argument in the short term, he suffers a spiritual defeat.

  • Analysis: Gardiner suggests that the "gentleman" is not necessarily the man with a title, but the man who possesses self-respect and consideration for others. He uses the example of Chesterfield, who was famous for his poise. To be "charming" and "polite" is not a sign of weakness; it is a sign of internal strength.

  • The Social Contract: Gardiner posits that we owe it to one another to be civil because we live in close proximity. Politeness is the "tax" we pay for the privilege of being part of a civilized community.

Conclusion

A.G. Gardiner’s "On Saying Please" is a timeless reminder that the quality of our lives depends on the "little things." Through his elegant prose, he demonstrates that while the law may protect us from a "black eye," it is our mutual courtesy that protects us from a "black heart." By advocating for the "polite conductor" over the "violent liftman," Gardiner argues for a social order based on empathy and self-regulation rather than fear and force.

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