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A.G. Gardiner’s essay "On Saying Please"

 A.G. Gardiner’s essay "On Saying Please" is a classic piece of social philosophy. It explores the "minor" virtues of politeness and civility, arguing that while rudeness isn't a legal crime, it is a social one that poisons the atmosphere of human interaction.

Summary

The essay begins with an incident involving a lift-man who threw a passenger out of his lift because the passenger refused to say "Please" when requesting the Top Floor. While the lift-man was legally in the wrong (one cannot physically assault someone for being rude), Gardiner uses this to discuss the "invisible" laws of social conduct.

Gardiner argues that while the law protects us against physical violence, it cannot protect us against "incivility." If we were allowed to hit people for being rude, the streets would be "running with blood." However, he emphasizes that even though bad manners aren't a crime, they are often more damaging than physical blows. A punch heals in a day, but a "slur upon our self-respect" can rankle for hours and infect an entire chain of people.

He contrasts the grumpy lift-man with a polite bus conductor he once encountered. This conductor was patient, kind to the elderly, and treated his bus like a "travelling salon" of good-will. Gardiner concludes that while we cannot legally force people to be polite, we can win them over through the "law of a higher civility."

Character Sketches

The Lift-man

  • The Victim of Rudeness: He is a man who takes his dignity seriously. He feels that being treated like a machine or a servant (by the omission of "Please") is a direct attack on his humanity.

  • The Transgressor: By reacting with physical violence, he loses his case. He represents the natural human impulse to retaliate when insulted, showing how one person’s rudeness can spark a "vicious cycle" of anger.

The Polite Bus Conductor

  • The Social Philosopher: He is the hero of the essay. He possesses an "unfailing reservoir of good humor."

  • The Diplomat: Whether he is helping a blind man across the street or being patient with a difficult passenger, he makes everyone feel better. He proves that good manners are "infectious" and that a person can maintain their dignity through kindness rather than aggression.

Major Themes

1. The Limitation of the Law

Gardiner points out that the law is a "reasonable institution" that only deals with "measurable" wrongs (like theft or physical assault). It cannot regulate our tone of voice or our facial expressions. Politeness belongs to the realm of the social conscience, not the courtroom.

2. The Chain Reaction of Manners

The essay suggests that bad manners are like a virus. The passenger was rude to the lift-man, likely because his employer was rude to him, who was rude because his wife was rude to him, and so on. Conversely, the bus conductor’s politeness spreads "sunshine" to everyone he meets, creating a positive social ripple effect.

3. Dignity and Self-Respect

Gardiner argues that the truly "civilized" person is the one who can remain polite even when faced with rudeness. By staying calm and kind, the bus conductor keeps his dignity, whereas the lift-man loses his by stooping to the level of the rude passenger.

Key Point

Gardiner’s central message is that "Please" and "Thank you" are the small change with which we pay our way as social beings. They are the "oil" that keeps the machine of life running sweetly. He encourages a "moral victory" over rudeness—defeating a rude person with politeness rather than joining them in their anger.

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